Loving is hard work. Forgiving even harder! But I am finding that it is not impossible! A CONSTANT effort and awareness of God’s help, yes! But not impossible!
Writing these blogs every week has forced me to look at the fact that I….Diane Alsens…struggle big time with easy offenses, anger, and bitterness! How lovely. How beautiful. JUST what I want to be remembered for! No! Precisely the opposite is true! I want to be thought of now and remembered later for being gentle, kind, self controlled; even dignified, funny, and godly! It is a battle to fight off the crappy crap so that the good can dominate my character.
I am fully convinced that it is God – our Creator – who enables us to do the things that we cannot do on our own. Forgiveness is evidence of this in me. Loving people who annoy me is another example of God’s transforming work in my life. Some people actually say to me that they can’t believe I could be mean to anyone, or that I’m impatient or irritable. (Hear my uproarious laughter!) If people say or see that in me….it’s ALL God.
I believe God wants me to live a life that has his love and goodness written all over it. It is my goal to do so, but I cannot do it without him. I consider it sort of a partnership or cooperative effort (me doing the cooperating, he doing a loving, patient partner-thing until I do cooperate.
I was in the shower this week (yeah, my weekly shower). My brain goes crazy in the shower! My thoughts run rampant there. And on one particular day this week, a long string of negative emotions and thoughts were absolutely flying through my brain as it related to yes, yet another person who annnnnnnnoys me!
So, I gripe to God in the shower. “God, I can’t help that I keep thinking about this! I am not trying to drudge this stuff up. It just keeps coming! Please tell me what to do about it.”
Have you ever “heard” God’s voice? I have never heard an audible out loud voice that I thought was God, but I often hear an inner-voice. I know that sounds Twilight Zone-like. But it is true. It comes sometimes right in the moments after a prayer like I prayed in the shower; or through a series of events that take place after I’ve been praying or journaling about some problem or question. Other times it comes in the form of a Bible verse that pops into my head, or that I stumble across while reading. Yet other times it’s like the same answer comes to me 3 or 4 times from different sources (a friend, a sermon, the radio, even a person who annoys me!) If the ‘sense’ I’m getting, or voice I’m hearing doesn’t conflict with God’s word, the Bible, I feel it’s a nudge or word from him to me.
I “heard” the immediate voice this time in the shower. After I asked God what I should do about the constant flow of negative thoughts about this person he said this: “Think about something good. Think about something else.” I will be very honest. I felt my spirit snicker at first, saying, “Oh, like it’s that simple.” But I didn’t follow that snicker. I followed the advice. I wanted to do the 2nd thing first….think about something else. “No problem.” I thought, “ I’d LOVE to think about ANYTHING ELSE but this person!” However, I sensed a nudge in my soul saying….”Do the first one first,” Meaning, think about something good about this person first. (Man, that’s like having to eat brussels sprouts before you get desert!) This was followed by MUCH sarcasm in my mind and spirit: “Like there’s anything good about THEM.”
If loving and forgiving people aren’t spiritual inner battles, I don’t know what are!
So, I forced….absolutely forced... my mind to “look at” a few good things about this person. I spoke these things out loud, thanking God for the good things about this person that I have benefitted from.
Do you know? The mind/emotion battle has lightened greatly for the balance of my week! And this is just what I hope for next week: more rest and freedom from these ridiculous offenses, emotions and hurts. I don’t know about you, but I have a life to live! And I cannot afford 40 minute showers!
A bible verse comes to mind now: “Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be dismayed. Therefore, I have set my face like a stone, determined to do his will. And I know that I will triumph.” Isaiah 50:7.
I believe that. Just call me stone-face.
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